There was a time when I would raid my dad’s change can and head down to Aladdin’s Castle and blow five bucks playing some pretty mindless arcade games – MERCS, Cybersled, G-LOC, not to mention The Classics. And no, Nintendo, I’m not going to link to The Classics that weren’t developed by you. My Mom knows what The Classics are, so if you don’t, I can’t help you.
Those days have passed and as the years have gone by, games have developed things like deep storylines, conversation mechanics and even game specific wikis. You may have had a hand in that, Nintendo, especially with the game Wizardtrain187 and I still wax eloquent about, Eternal Darkness.
As the resident completionist, most days I have only praise for the developments being made in games like L.A. Noire, employed in Mass Effect 2 or developed from scratch for games like Heavy Rain, none of which, Nintendo, you’ll notice, could even be properly ported to your cute little system with the magic wands and pet-raising games. With winter quickly approaching, the prospect of a rainy, gaming-filled Saturday devoid of anything like laundry, vacuuming or being a productive human being beckons and provides no motivation to buy anything you manufacture, oh Mighty Creator of Mario and Link.
Still, Nintendo, sometimes I have nights like last night – I’ve been at work for 10 hours, I am incapable of forming coherent sentences and my brain is too tired to even handle DVR-ed Chuck. On those days, and in the spirit of Thanksgiving here in the States, I feel compelled to give thanks to you, Progenitor of Samus Aran, for releasing the Wii. Even though you give me plenty of fodder for requesting that the newest Zelda game be remade with modern technology and graphics, I’m of the opinion that without the Wii’s exposure of the [shudder] casual gaming market as a massive revenue source to Microsoft and Sony, I might be forced to stare blankly at the walls in exhaustion. Instead, Nintendo, I am going to bow my head in thanks for your being, in my humble opinion, a significant factor in allowing me to enjoying the bounty of mindless button-mashing in DeathSpank with its Tim Schafer-esque humor, the cartoony absurd goodness of Hydro Thunder Hurricane, completely devoid of anything remotely resembling the laws of physics as they apply to racing, or a Star Trek game that is actually playable.
As much as it pains me to see how fall you have fallen in my eyes since Super Smash Brothers Melee, you have my gratitude for exposing the Great Green Ring to the micro-transactional profit margin to be found in offering indie and casual games for download. I may never be able to forgive you for Nintendogs and I promise you that despite my appreciation for your previous brilliance, I will continue to take cheap shots at the Wii. Regardless of the fact that until you release a system that has better graphics and more on-board storage than my smartphone, you won’t be seeing any of my cash, at this time of year it’s important to be thankful for those things in our lives that make them better.
So, Nintendo, as the year winds down and I spend more and more hours in front of my office desktop trying to exceed my billable hour requirements, you have my most sincere thanks for being the catalyst that brought about a second golden-age for the games that let me turn off my brain, relax and rediscover what it’s like to wear a callous into the joint of my thumb from mashing buttons like a disembodied frog leg attached to an electrode.
Exhaustedly and gratefully yours,
PS: I still love you, Nintendo. I even defended Super Mario 2 (not The Lost Levels, I’m talking about the other one, you know, the one where you shoe-horned Mario, Luigi, Peach and Toad into some wacky Japan-only hallucinogenic produce fest.)
Mail This – Being motivated enough to write a letter is one thing, but being motivated to write a fake letter is an entirely different matter. Someone in the gaming industry needs to hear about this.
This article was submitted to us by Gifftor and promoted by a member of The Cursed. If you’d like to submit your own article, please email us using our Contact Form for more information.
Giant Bomb (images)